You know how all those reality TV shows tell women they can change their life by just changing their look? Well, to some degree that’s true. But the REAL change has to start from the inside.

Most of us create a “style story” when we’re very young. We listen to the people in our lives that we admire and try to emulate.  Often what we hear isn’t always positive. We internalize the negative comments and experiences, and sometimes hold on to them well into our adult lives. They come back to us over and over again in that little voice — your inner critic — who tells you you’re not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough … you get the picture.  It’s sad but true that we are usually our harshest critic!  We berate ourselves about any number of things. We speak to ourselves in ways we wouldn’t dream of speaking to anyone else — least of all our best friend.

We are all born with unique gifts and talents. As women, we often fall into the trap of thinking we should be able to do it all on our own. But sometimes we need a little help in specific areas of our lives.  And after years of trying to be and do everything, we’re forced to realize we just can’t — we manifest health issues, depression, exhaustion, and relationship woes. Try as we might to resist, we finally learn to ask for that help.

Let me help you today, by giving you permission to let go of that old (and untrue) style story right now.  It’s time to stand up for yourself and make a decision to create a personal image that you love, which makes you proud to be who you are. Here’s a big secret: You are the one who decides how others see and perceive you. You are the one in control of your own life and experiences. So take a stand and tell your inner critic to take a holiday, you’re in charge now and the new story starts today.

Your appearance matters.

Your image is an outward reflection of your confidence and self-esteem. When you walk into a room standing tall, with a sense of purpose and look people in the eye with a smile, you radiate confidence.  If you’re feeling unsure of yourself and your self-confidence and self-esteem are low, that will show up in your outward appearance too.  Which do you choose? Having a positive self-image is where it all begins. Believe in yourself and who you are. To really live authentically, get to know your unique qualities and gain clarity around who you are.  Once you feel confident in who you are, it is so much easier to accentuate those qualities in a positive way so you can come from a place of authenticity. Isn’t it time to set yourself up for success?

Believe in YOU!

Every woman wants to feel modern, fashionable and creative. But I have never met a woman who felt any of those things without first being comfortable in her self. So instead of trying to copy someone else’s style, why not tap into your own?  Let go of the old story and embrace who you are today.  Allow your image to catch up to the truly amazing woman that you are right now — not after you color your hair, not after you lose ten pounds, not after whatever. You are perfect just as you are.  Believe in yourself and set your intentions. Set realistic expectations and allow your brilliance to shine!

I recently asked a good friend and talented interior designer to help me start changing the look of my home after an “aha” moment in which I realized how much my home environment impacts my life and work. I work from my home, and on days that I am not meeting with clients I spend  a lot of time in my home office.  I have been saying for quite some time now that my home does not reflect my personality or my essence. It is stuck in the past, and it really bothers me. I kept waiting to invest in my surroundings until I had that “perfect” home. But what I have come to realize is this: make the best of where you are right now, and embrace what you have even if you aspire to have something different at some point.

I didn’t realize how much this parallels what I teach my clients about their personal image and appearance. (more…)

Did you watch the 2010 Winter games?  I find it fascinating to watch these accomplished athletes pushing the limit every single day to become the BEST at what they do.  It is admirable to see the dedication to their sport, and how that trickles down into all areas of their life.  They start with the passion that makes them want to get out there each and every day to practice.  They often have a grueling schedule to get their practice in very early in the morning before they head off to school and then when they get home they need to study and do homework, then they get up and do the same routine again day after day.  They start competing and with each step they move a little closer to their dream of becoming an Olympic athlete!  They often have to give up doing the things that most kids their age are doing and they do so because of their commitment to their goal.

My favorite event is figure skating — Men’s, Women’s, Pairs and Ice Dancing.  I love the costumes, the creativity and the amazing routines they are able to execute on the ice with such elegance and grace.  I would be lucky to stand on skates!  They also are often performing while overcoming injury or difficult circumstances as we saw this year for Canadian skater Joannie Rochette.  Her mom passed away just days before her performance and she decided to skate anyway, because she knew that her mom would have wanted her to. She won a bronze medal.

How does all this relate to what you do? What I’ve noticed is that many of us are doing work we love and are dedicated to.  We put in many years getting to the point of being known as an expert. That transformation does not happen overnight.  We take baby steps and keep moving in the direction of our dream.

This is the same process we use in perfecting your image.  First, we begin to shift your mindset, make small changes to start honoring who you’ve become.  Just like an athlete, it takes time to perfect.  We are always evolving and changing.  We are always a work in progress. Enjoy the journey in getting to know yourself!  Savor the experience of trying new colors or styles of clothing that might push you outside your comfort zone a bit to see how it feels.  As you take these steps you will notice that your mindset will shift and you will feel more confidence in trying new things.  You may begin to notice shifts and changes in other areas too – maybe the weight that was so hard to lose is all of a sudden coming off easier or that new book project you’ve struggled with seems to flow more easily. It’s all because you have started to care for yourself in a new way with new eyes – one little step at a time.

So what will your baby step be today?

February is the month of love. It offers us an opportunity to show our friends, spouses and significant others how much we care about them. But what about ourselves? The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one. It’s critical to take really good care of yourself first.

One of the first things I work on with my clients is their mindset.  NO negative self talk please!  I recommend creating a personal mantra and posting it all over your house, your car, your desk — wherever you will see it as many times a day as possible.

I was pleasantly surprised recently when I stopped in at the lululemon at Legacy Place, Dedham, MA and found the front window covered with colorful post it notes, each with an empowering message.  I asked one of the sales associates what it was about and she told me about this amazing website – OperationBeautiful.com. A young woman named Caitlin started the site and her mission is to post anonymous notes in public places for other women to find – positive, uplifting messages. This point is that WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL.  You are enough … just the way you are!

Way to go Caitlin! Thank you for spreading the message of self-love to women all over the world.  So go ahead ladies, get out your pens and post it notes and post away!  Then take a photo and send it to Caitlin via www.operationbeautiful.com.